Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Top 10 Worst (Best?) Game Character Names Ever

IGN has posted a list of the Top 10 Worst Game Character Names. Personally, I think some of them sound awesome - TX-11 Bloody Brad anyone?

10) Seaman
Seen in: Seaman (Dreamcast)

Seaman was cursed with not only a terrible personality, but also a terrible name. Apart from its vaguely pornographic implications, Seaman's name rivals the stupid simplicity of classic Mega Man games, minus the nostalgic charm. What's more, the name "Seaman" is misleading in that there is no man to speak of, just a half-breed fish thing that occasionally insults you while Leonard Nimoy wonders to himself almost out loud how he fell so far from fame that he ended up narrating a game called Seaman.

9) Noob Saibot

Seen in: Mortal Kombat series

It's a good thing Miyamoto didn't follow this naming scheme for Mario or you'd have Super Otomayim Galaxy to look forward to later this year. After creating a million identical ninja characters for their latest Mortal Kombat game, creators Ed Boon and John Tobias dedicated at least sixty seconds to devising an original name to set this one apart. Reversing their last names, the duo came up with Noob Saibot and simultaneously made Shakespeare and America's founding fathers roll in their graves.

8) Yamato Man
Seen in: Mega Man 6 (NES)

The Mega Man series officially ran out of ideas for its robot villains with Mega Man 4. So by the time 6 rolled around, Capcom had already scraped through the bottom of the barrel and was just throwing mud against a wall and seeing what words they could make out from the muck. Thus, Yamato Man was born. You used to be able to tell what you were gonna get from a Mega Man villain by his name. Bomb Man, Ice Man, Elec Man… These are all pretty self-explanatory. A quick Google search tells us that Yamato describes an ethnic group and time period in ancient Japan. Why Capcom thought that would be a good name for a robot shall forever remain a mystery.

7) Trevor McFur

Seen in: Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy (Atari Jaguar)

While Nintendo managed to cross fuzzy animals with the space shooter genre and avoid any furry creepiness, Atari did not. We think the name of Atari's lead character had something to do with it. Trevor McFur is a name we expect to find only in accidental Google image searches, not in videogames, though Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy does predate the watchful eye of the ESRB. Almost as wretched as Trevor's name is the obvious relationship between Trevor, a jaguar, and his partner Cutter, a lynx. I see what you did there.

6) TX-11 Bloody Brad

Seen in: Metal Gear (NES)

The Metal Gear series is certainly not known for its outstanding naming conventions, a truth epitomized by a classic novelty website that pokes fun at Metal Gear character names by giving users their own awful names (call this author "Gigantic Baboon". Still, we think the folks at Konami outdid themselves when renaming Arnold, a TX-11 cyborg in the original Metal Gear. To avoid conflicting with the character's obvious influence (Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger), Konami came up with Bloody Brad. The name is vaguely badass on its own, but when combined with the TX-11 moniker, its true awfulness is evident.

5) Wild Woody

Seen in: Wild Woody (SEGA CD)

As if to prove that the ESRB couldn't have saved us from earlier bad names, Wild Woody not only released after the ESRB's establishment but also earned a K-A rating, the 1995 equivalent of today's E for Everyone. Shameful. The only way Wild Woody could've been any more inappropriate is if it'd been named Woody Gone Wild, which would've been hilarious only after 1998 and a certain series of late night commercials.

4) Jumpman

Seen in: Donkey Kong (Arcade)

Get it? He's a man. And he jumps. How was it that the seemingly limitless imagination of Shigeru Miyamoto, which was able to come up the cracked-out title Donkey Kong, couldn't muster anything more than Jumpman for the game's protagonist? What if all videogame characters had such lazy names? Shoot Man. Tomb Raiding Girl. Walk Guy. Good thing Nintendo switched this dude's name to Mario right quick. Imagine: Super Jumpman Bros. Jumpman 64. Dr. Jumpman.

3) Boogerman

Seen in: Boogerman - A Pick and Flick Adventure (Genesis, SNES)

Sigh. We just can't for the life of us figure out why the videogame industry is still seen by some as being "for kids." We mean, Roger Ebert has the gall to declare Boogerman is not high art? We would love to have heard the pitch for this game. "See, you're a Boogerman! And you throw boogers! And you fight the Booger Meister! And it all takes place in Boogerville!" What's even better is that Boogerman was marketed as an alternative to violent videogames. But what action are your kids more likely to mimic: tearing someone's head off or flicking a booger?

2) Blobert

Seen in: A Boy and His Blob (NES)

A Boy and His Blob was quite a clever little game, requiring players to feed their pet blob different flavors of jelly beans to transform it into useful items. That's why we're so dismayed at this lead character's name, Blobert. It's the perfect example of a word we don't ever want to say. Like Chunkfart. Some words your mouth just doesn't want to utter, and the ear really doesn't want to hear. Sadly, Blobert is just one in a recurring theme of names: the game's subtitle is Trouble on Blobolonia, and Blobert's girlfriend is named Blobette. Ugh.

1) Philbright Westriverside Warehouserock XXVI

Seen in: Zone of the Enders -- The Fist of Mars (GBA)

The console Zone of the Enders games have a die-hard cult following. The handheld Fist of Mars title, not so much. The game does offer some of the most amusing character names of all time, though, the best/worst being Philbright Westriverside Warehouserock XXVI. Never mind that Philbright is right up there with Poindexter as one of the dorkiest names ever. Never mind that Westriverside and Warehouserock are both triple compound words. What is most surprising is that there were 25 Philbright Westriverside Warehouserocks before this one! Another contender from Fist of Mars: Cage Midwell.


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PC: Gears Of War Hands-on Video

For all the hardware compatibility issues consoles have managed to resolve, the uniformity of system requirements, and the massive boost they've given to gaming worldwide, there's only one thing better than a next-gen console playing a kick-ass game, and that is - a next-gen PC playing a kick-ass game. (People talk about 720p and 1080p like its a new thing, but PC gamers have been playing at resolutions above 720p for the last 6-7 years!) Gamedaily has a first look at Gears of War on a PC, and its looking very, very good.

And here is the rest of it

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Grand Theft Auto IV: Coming June 30th 2008???

Amazon is showing the new release date for GTAIV as June 30th. 2008. Next year. (Are you serious?)

Nothing here? Click on Amazon above!

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